[CENTER]This week's episode:
[B]"Angry Misogynist Builds Post Coitus Tension, Makes Cornflake Girl Cry"[/B]
(Dunbar "mans down" and Ashli sings "If I only had a brain")
OR
[B]"Hopeless Romantic Cowboy Possibly Impregnates the Mentally Hopeless"[/B]
(Cohutta "mans up" and kelly anne gets her period )
[IMG]http://vevmo.com/images/rw19a.jpg[/IMG]
[/CENTER]
Was this a parallel Mtv? Were you trying to compare love lines? So ingenious (sarcasm is hard to read is it not?).
Okay, let's set the Way Back Machine to Wednesday night, just a few minutes before the episode aired, push the big red, candy like button, [insert mega-budget special effect sequence from "Bill & Ted'***cellent Adventure" here] and now it's Wednesday.
"Bring It On" because I'm "In it to win it" wearing my Hilary Duff perfume
I put some popcorn in the microwave, cheddar cheese flavor, yeah I'm worth it. Got my favorite Diet Rite (black cherry) curled up with my fleece blanket, and after the intro (which Trisha is still in, but Chauvon isn't?) and recap of last week (recap meaning old footage which also has Trisha's ghost in the background). The first person I have to hear is Ashli. I must have had the volume too loud because I heard my bathroom toilet flushing in the distance.
Previously on the Real World: Cohutta was more into kelly anne than she reciprocated, Dummybeard (arrrrrr....he's a pirate!) grinded with Ashli in a club while she smoked a cigarette and had a giggly convo with a passerby.
Isaac: "grab your umbrella the storm is coming". A nice precursor, but it was more of a drizzle compared to previous Real World arguments and blow-ups from past seasons. Chauvon should have stayed she was the real drama monger and made for some decent, drunken arguments and fights.
As described by the sleuth-CSI cooperative Ashli, Dunbar is very guarded about his ***ual exploits in Sydney. Thanks you Queen of Obvious-opolis, he has a girlfriend he loves to mistreat & verbally abuse, he doesn't need to you. Although, I agree with her, "Dunbar needs to man up", BUT shouldn't she woman up? Ashli wants respect from the misogynist sociopath who she's helping cheat on his girlfriend. Who can argue with that kind of logic? I surely cannot.
Duntard tells us: "It's really, really difficult to not have *** with Ashli" (yeah she's ****ing irresistible with all of her endless, redeeming qualities)
Duntard tells Ashli: "I enjoy the company of a beautiful girl" (since anyone will do)
Well, which is it? I honestly believe he's playing alpha male here, jealous of Cohutta, who by Dunbartholomew's standards is less attractive, got kelly anne, whom he wanted, but was later rejected, and he settled for the other warm bodied brunette in the house. Ugh, me Dunbar, me find girl, hit her head with club, drag her home to meet Grandpa, Me love Julie, Me yell and get Maaaaaaaaaad!!!! What a tool. He's like The Incredible Hulk, minus the incredible part or green skin.
On the phone Ashli is asked if Dunbar is cute and all she could tell her friend or Mom on the phone is, "he has a nice body" after trying to formulate a complete sentence of words strung together without "like", "oh my god", or "um" in them.
Then the local weatherman, Isaac, who predicted the storm(s), mocked Dunblow who continued to act like some sort of helpless victim who paints the scenario as if he's being seduced, all the girls just swoon over him. I laughed at every comment Isaac made in the show, he was the voice of reason, but I guess Parisa disappeared in this one, as I saw her walk by a few scenes like a tumbleweed in a Tombstone pizza commercial, and her conversation with Noirin was dubbed over with a musical montage.
TANGENT 1: If you look at his name, then you know it should be a candy bar, Dun Bar full of nougat, peanuts, and RAGE!!!!
TANGENT 2: Why wasn't Mtv bright enough to have a local Aussie in the mix as a possible roommate? Noirin could have been a great addition. Although I think she's sweet on Dunbraggard by the way she looks at him.
Did anybody want to see Cohutta brush his teeth in the bathroom in hopes of getting the taste of someone's crotch out of his grill while kellyanne dropped a deuce?
I will say this, kelly anne is cute, kind of hot, but everything that she says just makes me hate her with my entire body. She and Cohutta would have some scruffy mountaineer babies with low self-esteem and a hardcore twang.
What did Cohutta even say to his Grandfather? Did it make sense? "I take care of what I do"? It was the most ambiguous shit I've ever heard uttered to another person. I wanted him to say" I may have gotten a girl pregnant" or "I might have some babies on the way". Especially after his claim of being the most fertile man in the world. Okay, you're apparently not since your little soldiers stayed in the reservoir tip like they do over 90% of the time. They both went to an evangelical church to pray, in the eyes of God isn't premarital *** a bad thing? Hilarious. I'm sure a broken condom might help get a woman pregnant, but it's rare.
Then a consoling convo between Ashli & kelly anne was another award winning, moronic display of sheer unintelligible reasoning and how clueless kelly anne is. She had no idea why Dunbarf thought she liked him earlier in the season, since she said on camera she was attracted to him and got very lady-lump cozy with him in the hot tub. This is a wonderful example of two girls realizing a guy who looks like Dunbar is more than likely a bag of ******. Plain and simple. Oh he's hot and athletic; no he's a mean spirited ******* with a sketchy past, questionable education, and zero regard for other human beings. He's most happy when he's around other men (borderline closet queen) and he can brag about his ***ual exploits all while upholding his backwards philosophy with a series of catch phrases:
1. I love Julie
2. __[U]BLANK__ [/U]wants me
3. That's a problem
4. You're a stupid *****
I do find it funny how he plays up this attitude that it's okay for him to act that way. That's how he is, he has no control (obviously), he's "passionate". How funny is that? Yeah, yelling at someone and being passive aggressive and agro-male means you're passionate.
Then a wonderful, pseudo argument began with the star crossed lovers, Ashli & Dunbjork over setting a PC schedule. They yelled at each other and we got to hear how much of a dillweed he is to the 5th power, and later she cries because he's so insensitive and calls her a name, correct, but insensitive. He's calls her immature, but he's sitting there in a throne of self righteousness, calling her names. She runs to her confidant, who might be pregnant after dumping her boyfriend to hook-up with Cohutta, for advice about her fling relationship with an involved man. Good choice, don't ask Parisa, she might say a word with more than 3 syllables and you'll mentally implode.
[CENTER][B]The Wrap Up[/B][/CENTER]
Ultimately, kelly anne gets her monthly visit from Oscar the Grouch (I like to call it that), Cohutta gets a little disappointed in the fact, Isaac still seems to be the most level headed, Ashli proves to be just as immature as Dunbridges Over Madison County (stretching it?), Parisa isn't interesting enough for Mtv to be on camera more than 30 seconds, and Dungbeetle proves yet again he's a worthless ******* who is full of himself and can do no wrong.
